The first day of school begins next week on Tuesday. I am one week away from that day. The day when I am a student teacher of a first grade class. Tomorrow I have several meetings: with staff at the school, my supervisor and cooperating teacher, and all first-grade teachers.
I don’t know why I am so ridiculously nervous! The first few days, weeks even, I will be observing and helping out. Helping with papers, tedious work, working with groups, working one-on-one, etc. I won’t be standing in front of the classroom lecturing. Plus these are first-graders! They are too cute and precious to even have a sarcastic attitude! I don’t need to know rocket science to teach lessons at the first grade level. By the time I will need to prepare and teach lessons, I will be there for several weeks, so I should be fine. This is what I’m nervous about:
- I’ll make a fool out of myself
- I won’t be able to remember any of the students’ names
- My Russian/Ukrainian accent will come out
- I won’t know what I’m talking about
- I’ll forget what I’m supposed to talk about
- I won’t know an answer to a question a student may ask me
- I’ll trip
- My cooperating teacher will be disappointed with me
- I will sound stupid when supervisor or principal are observing me, or when video recording will take place
- The other teachers won’t like me
- I won’t fit in
Wow. What a pathetic list. I’ve been in classrooms plenty of times. I’ve taught Sunday school classes for years. I’ve worked in banking and have acted as an interim supervisor and processed and approved multi-million dollar transactions. I’ve helped hire and fire people. I completed a half-marathon. I don’t know why this next step is so nerve-wracking for me! My eye has been twitching all day long today. Ugh.
My husband tells me that it’s because I genuinely care about this next phase. If I didn’t care at all, I wouldn’t be so nervous. But because I want to make a good impression and I want to teach the students well, I am feeling uncertain of my abilities.
Of course I will make mistakes. The process of learning is often a painful one.
Dear God, please give me strength and confidence to step into the student teaching world and do my best.